a K h o

getting back to my roots

Posted on: May 20, 2009

mundane -> routine -> zombie

my life is mundane. every decision i make takes a lot of consideration of what if’s. short of frying my brain from thinking too much, however ordinary for someone in their early thirties.

not a risk taker, everyday is a well-planned and structured routine. from getting up at the 7:00am alarm to methodologically going through every expected event till after 5:30pm. small window of freedom – the choice of what to have for dinner. usually recycle between various preferences in a week.

i feel like a zombie. shoulders heavy, constantly feeling alone. just hang a cloud over my head. happiness comes is small bursts. as seldom as it happens, as quickly for it to fade away. shopping for self is like that.

the rare human interaction is a welcomed joy. unfortunately, counting my real friends can be done in both hands. being too dependent on strangers and colleagues only to find comfort in short-term companionship.

friends -> family -> me

friends are all scattered and no longer walking the same path. the same person i play hide and seek with is just a passing memory. it shocks me to find out how much time and distance can twist the personality of those i thought i knew.

note to self – the strongest bond and most sincere relationship can only be found with family. nothing beats hearing the sound of your love ones asking about your well-being. even though at times conversation is stretched-thin, sometimes silence is golden.

making a life for myself. somehow it is easier without commitments. i keep convincing myself that. why would anyone choose to settle down when they’re not financially stable? i don’t understand. love is so fickle yet falling for it is irressistable. nothing last and then, life goes on.

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disclaimer

u can regard everything here as fiction, or fanfiction (me being my own fan haha), or messed up ramblings from the deranged mind of a guy in his midlife crisis. whatever. comment as u see fit. the brainless ones go to /purgatory, not that i'm saying ur a zombie. then again seeing as i'm not getting much sleep lately, i probably am one. that said, u'll realise that u can't take legal action against a zombie. cause we've gots diplomatic immuniteh. rawr.

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