a K h o

Archive for April 2009

afterlife

Posted on: April 21, 2009

if you really think about it, our average lifespan of a hundred years is pretty short. the first ten or so years of our childhood is insignificant, as really come to think of it now, i can hardly remember what transpired then. thinking back, i would daresay that i might not even be in control or in other words, conscious of my actions during that period of time.

the last twenty years of our lives would be a certain “helpless” stage as i would call it, as we’re just going to end up not being very youthful any longer. so if you add them up, that’s like more or less one third of our life spent on nothing worth celebrating about.

another one third would be mostly devoted to our “learning” period where all of us go through the growing up experience. this entails school/university life – studying, being placed in a social environment to fend for ourselves.

and finally once we graduate from that, it’s the “independence” time of our lives where we seek to make something of ourselves, accumulate assets and cultivate our network of friends – no one likes to be alone (for too long). there goes the remaining years, spent on fulfilling our feeble hopes and dreams. so really…life is pretty short, isn’t it.

which brings me to my thought of the day – is there an afterlife?

when i leave this earthly plane, will i be classified to a certain region of comfort or pain for eternity? perhaps come back as the lowest of lifeforms and work my way up the food chain to end up as human again? or linger in limbo awaiting my soul to be transplanted into a newborn – assuming that there must be a constant number of souls in this world?

i’ll admit, it’s pretty scary when dealing with the unknown. to think that as technology advances and i won’t be here someday to witness mankind’s achievements.

and after much thought and googling, i came to the conclusion as described below:

There is nothing more important to us as living beings than that we have something we can describe as a soul that continues to exist after physical death and is everlasting. For without this, it is all for naught and there was no point in existing at all for ultimately it does not matter if we live for a year or a trillion years if we do not have immortality. And in fact not having such would really be the ultimate cruelty.

i have to believe that there is more to life, even after death. your thoughts?

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boredom

Posted on: April 6, 2009

i’ve got my tax forms to sort out. lazy lazy. e-filing as it is known. no more of this wishy-washy hardcopy submission nonsense. once i’m done i got to help with my mom’s. argh!! boring boring!!!

i’ve only been back less than a week and i’m already feeling useless, dejected and lost. Kuching has not change at the slightest bit (maybe because i’ve yet to go out exploring). i’m cooked up at home watching animes (something i should not be doing till after retirement). i’ve gone from playing an online game, watching animes, arranging my desktop icons and listening to mp3’s – nothing constructive.

i want work! i want to be useful. i want to get paid tons of $$$ and feel appreciated. whatever it is i’m doing now is just a waste of time. bored. bored. bored.

rant, rant, rant…

touchdown!

Posted on: April 4, 2009

i can’t believe it! i’m actually back in my room. my good old bed just a meter away. my trusty PC misses me so. “almost” everything has not changed. after unpacking my junk i found that my room suddenly feels a lot smaller. is it cozy? i don’t really know yet. being back feels just so normal. like a part of you that you never notice was ever missing.

deep down inside i’m feeling scared about what is to come. however, right now i’m just so preoccupied with things i need to get done that not every worry i have had sunked in yet. but i’m sure it’ll creep up on me soon.

mom and dad i’m sure is happy to see me, however little they showed it. we’re not a very expressive lot. dinner was ho-hum, i’m craving for some good local food. the kachang-mua and asam fish head i had at BDC was disappointingly watered down. my sister got a new car as i’m sure she is happily parading the vios around in sibu.

part of me is sad to not be in Bangkok. i guess nothing last forever. i’m dreading to work in Kuching or KL. it feels as if i’m taking a step backward than progressing forward. this feeling sucks big time.

well anyway, now that i’m back in Kuching (for a little while), i wonder who i’ll bump into soon. nothing like seeing an old face to make me feel at home. could it be you? looking forward to it. ^_^

uncertain

Posted on: April 1, 2009

it’s april fool’s day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! and…that’s the only happy news i got to share. i’m more or less officially unemployed. a scheduled interview is to happen 2 days from now where i will find myself in Kuala Lumpur, daytrip.

it’s been GREAT being in Bangkok. best working environment ever, fun people and deliciously cheap food. sad to be leaving but i have to go where my work takes me.

where do i see myself 5-10 years from now? constantly playing in my mind. i would so love to do my own thing but being financially unstable is always a worry. if life wasn’t so complicated i would be enjoying it a lot more. stress is my constant companion. but then again, i have to remind myself i’m better off than most and i have to believe there is a place for me here.

the other thing i’m looking forward to is to step down on Kuching soil come this friday. being with family again would be a blessing. mmm, local Malaysian food beckons. future looking rather bleak but holding my head up and hoping for the best.


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disclaimer

u can regard everything here as fiction, or fanfiction (me being my own fan haha), or messed up ramblings from the deranged mind of a guy in his midlife crisis. whatever. comment as u see fit. the brainless ones go to /purgatory, not that i'm saying ur a zombie. then again seeing as i'm not getting much sleep lately, i probably am one. that said, u'll realise that u can't take legal action against a zombie. cause we've gots diplomatic immuniteh. rawr.

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