a K h o

my fault

Posted on: September 1, 2007

there is a Courts Mammoth sale going on today and tomorrow. i was there today with my dad close to midnight looking to get a shoe rack for my mom. unable to find a good offer, we left after half an hour.

i parked my car opposite the place. on the way to get to the car we had to cross a small drain. actually, i should have taken the longer walking route. i was holding my dad with one hand when he tried to cross, but slipped and fell instead.

it wasn’t a heavy fall but i can imagine it hurt nonetheless. i drove us home quickly and as i parked, he went to our backyard to get a stick of aloe vera to apply on his wounds. he had minor scratches on his right thigh and was bleeding some on his left knee near the ankle. he’s taken care of it now.

i can’t but feel responsible. it is when your loved ones are hurt that you’ll feel most helpless. this is not the first time. when i was still in high school, i remember once my dad had fell in front of the car porch, landing face down on to the concrete floor. there was a pool of blood around him where he blacked out. he got a couple of stitches above his eye brow from that.

once, my mom got her big toe nail injured black and blue, i think from accidentally kicking something. she was lying down in the living room saying stuff like she wants to die now due to the pain. it was a scary experience.

i also remembered once when i was on my way to a tuition class back in my school days, i accidentally slammed the car door on my sister’s hand. i couldn’t concentrate during the tuition session, worrying all night long on her condition.

just thinking back on these things makes me feel a bit scared and angry. what if this had happened or that had happened…my mind can play mean tricks on me. i feel totally helpless in these situations and blame myself indirectly.

happy merdeka? i doubt it.

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disclaimer

u can regard everything here as fiction, or fanfiction (me being my own fan haha), or messed up ramblings from the deranged mind of a guy in his midlife crisis. whatever. comment as u see fit. the brainless ones go to /purgatory, not that i'm saying ur a zombie. then again seeing as i'm not getting much sleep lately, i probably am one. that said, u'll realise that u can't take legal action against a zombie. cause we've gots diplomatic immuniteh. rawr.

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